In honor of Wes Keener tracking me down, I’d like to tell little story of another time he did so. Now, I can’t quite promise that this will be as exciting as how I got a good deal on clothes from the Gap. But I can promise that it’ll be more exciting that any bulletin you might read on Myspace. So you’ve got that going for you…which is nice.
As hard as it may be to believe, I wasn’t exactly popular when I was in Junior High (I refer the reader to one of the three rotating headers I have above this. That should answer any doubts you may have as to my social status). I was, however, exceedingly proficient with computers. Whether these two factoids are related I’ll leave open for debate.
Regardless, the above two facts led me to the obvious conclusion: Start a BBS! What, you ask, is a BBS? Well, it stands for Bulletin Board System. Not that that means anything. Simply put, a BBS is a computer with a modem that sits there and waits for incoming calls. So, if you were an equally big loser back in Junior high, you’d fire up a little program — aptly called a “Terminal” program, because once you started using one of these things you (or perhaps your social life) really were dead — and dial into my computer. The two computers would connect in a marvelous orgy of technical geekiness, and you’d be free to navigate the BBS software (which in my case was the not-so-aptly-named WWiV).
What was there to do on a BBS? Well, not much, really. Some of them specialized in files. So you could connect and peruse the file section and download things ranging from the newest TradeWars cheats to pirated software to pornography. My own BBS — called Utopian Nirvana: An Exercise in Redundancy — had a modest file section, with the occasional exciting pirate software. Think “Doom”, “Duke Nuken 3D” and “Mechwarrior”. Or, perhaps don’t think about those, and spare yourself the shame and self-loathing I went through during those adolescent years. At any rate, in addition to files there was a messaging system, wherein you could send e-mail to other members of the BBS, which I, as SysOp (System Operator) could, of course, read. There were also a number of online games you could play. My personal favorite was something called “Solar Realms Elite”, but most people liked TradeWars. I’ll defer to Google in explaining these things, but needless to say they’re great for people who have entirely too much time on their hands and aren’t burdened with things like playing sports, touching boobs or having a social life in general.
The “center”, if you will, of the BBS was just that; its bulletin boards. These were message boards where people could post on any number of topics. Often, these were “networked”, meaning the topic was connected to the same topic on other BBS’. I, in fact, was at one point the NetOp of “FURnet”, which while sounding like something involving pets really stands for Fido Users Refugee Network. Fidonet, of course, being the largest of the BBS networks, in addition to being, strangely enough, the fourth or fifth largest network on the planet, behind some military networks, AOL and “the Internet”. So, as the NetOp of FURnet, I was in charge of making sure the 10 or 12 systems on the network (all based in Chico) received the feeds of the topics, as well as deciding which topics would or wouldn’t be networked. Exciting shit, I tell you.
At any rate, on occasion you’d actually meet one of these other losers who were on the BBS’. One such person was the aforementioned Mister Keener. Wes, or “Cooter Duke” as I knew him, and I decided to meet at the “Upstairs Mall”, which was nothing more than a couple of commercial spaces that housed, among other things, a comic books store with a very nicely working Mortal Kombat machine. Whether or not this choice in venue is of any signifigance I leave as an exercise to the reader. So Cooter Duke — and his friend “Large Pizza” aka Shalan Crysdale — where walking around the Upstairs mall, looking for someone as equally lame as them, muttering “Dick Tater” (my cyberspace moniker), hoping no one had them arrested.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
12 responses so far ↓
Dan // Mar 2, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Remember when I was Co-SysOp? That was awesome..
Personally, I prefer Barren Realms Elite compared to Solar Realms Elite, but hey, that’s just me.
Hey do you remember when, instead of talking to girls, we used to spend all night (literally), IRC’ing and looking for Warez? That was awesome.. We should really do that again sometime. Especially the trip to Safeway (Von’s to you SoCal peeps) at 7am picking up some Crunch Berries. Ahh, those were the days…
Jeremy // Mar 2, 2006 at 8:34 pm
Don’t forget watching Eddie Murphy “Raw” while we’re waiting for shit to download and walking around Safeway (Von’s to you SoCal peeps) muttering “Mooley” under our breath.
amy // Mar 2, 2006 at 10:27 pm
I don’t know why everyone mutters under their breath up in NorCal, but the thought of you guys whispering “Dick Tater” and “Mooley” to each other is probably the best mental image I’ve had since Jeremy told me he took a massage class and was partnered with a homophobic man.
Wes Keener // Mar 3, 2006 at 11:42 am
Barren Realms Elite was great. People now have no clue what life was like before google… most of them probably don’t care as long as they can get email. It’s too bad more ferrengi didn’t warp into my sector… i had mines there. I recently saw Ferhaan.. he ran a WWIV board. Shalan “Large Pizza” has completely abandoned all computers at this point; he’s more of a personal/small pizza these days. Brad Hauskins was a innocent bystander, but a common link. Life changes when you step up to a 9600 baud modem… holla…
Wes Keener // Mar 3, 2006 at 11:50 am
Jeremy, i forgot how ELiTE you still are… i noticed you dropped the “i” in WWiV. Nice.
Um, hi. // Mar 4, 2006 at 3:54 pm
So like, I grew up in Chico and there is no such thing as the upstairs mall. There was an arcade, Tilt, at the “New Mall,” and a comic book store in the Garden Walk near Zot’s Hot Dogs, but never ever was there such a thing as an upstairs mall. Old and New, yes, upstairs, no. So what are you referring to here?
Jeremy // Mar 4, 2006 at 4:02 pm
The Upstairs Mall was next to the House of Rice or whatever that place was called. There was an old baseball card place called Ebbets Field there, as well a s comic book store (Dollys?) there.
Dan // Mar 6, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Yeah, um, don’t come into this place saying, “…like, I grew up in Chico…” and say that there’s no Upstairs Mall. If you really did grow up in Chico, you would know what we’re talking about. ‘Nuff said.
Okay, so yeah, it was Ebbets Field and the lady that took all the little league pictures was the one that ran it. She was crap because she used to rip off little kids that went into that place. I used to get the $1 grab bag of baseball cards. It was awesome. I don’t remember the name of it, but there WAS a comic book store. That’s where Earl used to buy Spawn..
God we’re lame.
personal pan pizza // Aug 15, 2006 at 10:47 am
Alright, Upstairs Mall is a steamy hot sock scented stairwell to where the Synthesis began publishing. There might have been a plackard at street level but I doubt it, can’t remember, too eager to get to my next issue of Spawn before Earl got his creamy hands all over it. Jeremy, I think, gave a pretty exact desc of its location, and Dan certainly laid into you, “Um, hi.” so I won’t.
Oh, and Jeremy, I saw Maran Q2 and she wants her college connection catalog back now. Meet me at Jon&Bons on Sept 1st around dusk for further instructions..
Wes, don’t make me flame you!
Btw: Your sentinel has been overtaken. I’m raiding your planet and killing the colonists.
Abigail Saldivar // Jan 22, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Does anyone know how to get a hold of Shalan Crysdale? If so, pleae e-mail me @ zacknabi@allvantage.com……he was hte best man in my wedding and is a good friend of ours. Thanks for your time…Abi
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