Finally! After long last, it’s the return of JeremyAbramson.com™ presents: The Real World Ultimate Hump List! I know you’ve been waiting for it! Don’t worry, the rest of the list will follow soon.

In case you need to catch up with the rest of the list:
Numbers 58 - 51, plus the rules
Numbers 50 - 41.
Numbers 40 - 31

30. Julie Stoffer, New Orleans (Season 9)
Julie loves Jesus. I think we all get that. She also loved that dude Matt from New Orleans, and he was easily one of the all time most forgettable Real World cast members ever. Now she’s married — this after supposedly going crazy enough to have some dude get a restraining order against her. Her slow decent into insanity should be painfully obvious to anyone who watches the challenges she’s on. Although I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, since all the warning signs where there. Let’s see: Mormon…check. Yup. All the signs were right there, right in front of our face. Still, crazy or not, there’s just something hot about the idea of defiling a Mormon chick. But not hot enough to get her into the top 25.

29. Genesis Moss, Boston (Season 6)
First off, let me say that Genesis seems like a nice girl. Hell, her “life-partner” that she showed up with at one of the big reunions seems like an even “nicer” girl, if you know what I mean. But still, she doesn’t really do anything for me. Perhaps it’s because she’s gay, and I know she wouldn’t be interested. Perhaps it’s because she seems like Cameran’s sister, except not as hot, gay, and much older. Or perhaps the real reason is because she reminds me of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and it’s hard to picture doing the hibbidy-dibbidy with images of Ricardo Montalbon’s chest prosthesis rolling through your head. But then again, Genesis did help bring back Spock, and without Genesis, my friend Andy never would have had that cool “Lord Kruge” commemorative glass from Burger King we all loved when we were kids. So maybe I’m giving her a bad rap. But I don’t think this Genesis is what Dr. Carol Marcus had in mind, so she ends up here at 29.

28. Irulan Wilson, Las Vegas (Season 12)
My sophomore year of college, I believe, a bunch of my friends from Chico (who all stayed and attended Chico State) decided to finally move out and got an apartment together. I pretty much spent the entire summer (since I was home from UC Davis) over at their place, doing not much more than watching them get stoned, eating an obscene amount of Burger King, and trying to figure out how to beat Goldberg in WCW Wrestling for the Nintendo 64. Now, surprising as it may seem, when you have a bunch of losers — which we all most certainly were — who stay inside and do nothing but play video games, smoke weed, and occasionally act out the wrestling maneuvers they see on the screen, you end up with a lot of quote-worthy material. So much, in fact, that my friend Earl started a quote board, as many college students are wont to do. What does any of this have to do with Irulan? Well, one of my first entries on the quote board, (other than “I love Dale Murphy!”) was “Nah, nah, none of this caramel shit. I like my women BLACK!” To that end, Irulan just really isn’t my style. Too pale, too skinny and seemingly far too obnoxious.

27. Sarah Burke, Philadelphia (Season 15)
Sarah made a significantly bigger impact than did her cast mate, Melanie. This is because Sarah is a significantly bigger whore than Melanie. But you’ll notice that Sarah appears on this list before Melanie does. What’s the lesson here? It doesn’t always pay off to be a complete prostitute. In addition to the looming spectre of sexually transmitted diseases and the possibility of unwanted pregnancy, people will often call you hurtful names. Things like “trick” or “skank” or “spoogeaholic screwpuppet”. So remember kids, if you’re gonna ho it up with dudes on a reality telvision show, make sure you got the goods to back it up (and for the love of god, at least make sure they’re straight).

26. Elka Walker, Boston (Season 6)
Elka is like the Tony Fernandez of Real World alums. I mean, she’s cute. She puts up solid numbers. But compared to the current generation of Alex Rodriguezs and Derek Jeters and even Cal Ripkens of the world, she just doesn’t stand up very well. So it’s not really her fault, but you just sort of feel like the game just passed her by. No shame in that, but she just doesn’t belong in that upper echelon of shortstops…errr…chicks from The Real World. So she ends up just missing the top 25.

25. Tonya Cooley, Chicago (Season 11)
People live their lives according to different rules. For some people, it’s “Do unto others as you would have done unto you”. For others it’s “Always hit a soft 17″. But for my money, a good rule of thumb is “Don’t mess with a chick who likes people to do lines of blow off her vajayjay.” And while it might not be as universally accepted as, say, the “Golden Rule”, it’ll probably keep you from getting herpes a whole lot better than that whole “do unto others” crap.

24. Shavonda Billingslea, Philadelphia (Season 15)
I’m sure Shavonda is a nice girl. She’s not bad looking or anything. There’s just two major problems with her, neither of which she has any real control over at this point. The first is that she hooked up with Landon, and we’ve already established he’s the biggest douchebag ever on the show. The second is that she looks sorta like this girl Pricilla that I know, and that’s just weird. So she ends up here. Nothing personal, Shavo.

23. Cameran Eubanks, San Diego (Season 14)
Now, we all appreciated Cameran hitting Brad in the balls during their San Diego season. I’m sure anyone who watched the show wished they could do the same thing. But that’s really all we say about her at this point. It’s interesting to note, however, that she’s one of those woman who looks significantly hotter when she’s not wearing any makeup versus when she’s all dolled up. Okay, perhaps that’s not actually all that interesting. Whatever. Moving on….

22. Melanie Silcott, Philadelphia (Season 15)
Now, admittedly, I’m a little weak on the Philadelphia season, so I don’t exactly know what Melanie’s all about. But after perusing her Myspace profile (available here) she seems pretty cool (although that layout is pretty horrible). So not really much to say here; she seems like she has potential, and perhaps should be higher on that list, but right the committee (of one) just hasn’t seen enough of her in game action to make an accurate determination. Thems the breaks.

21. Frankie Abernathy, San Diego (Season 14)
Could you imagine being Frankie’s boyfriend? Every time you’d have a fight, you could just be like “Listen, honey…I didn’t say I thought you were fat. I just said that it seems like lately, maybe you’ve been putting on the OH MY GOT IT’S THE QEII AND IT’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! Oh…What? Sorry babe. I guess it was just a lamp. Weird. Did I startle you? Oh honey, you’re shaking! Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, c’mon baby. You know I love you. Let’s have anal. Anal is so punk rock. You wanna be punk rock, don’t you?” Let’s just say that I’d bet that Frankie is very punk rock, if you catch my drift, so she checks in here at 21.

So that’s it for this installment of the list! The competition is getting heated as we head in to the home stretch. Stay tuned for the top 20, coming soon!