I’ve always loved math. I remember studying extra in 6th grade so I could take Algebra in 7th grade (normally “advanced” students take Algebra in 8th grade, with most people taking it in 9th).

My epic plan to out-Doogie Howser my peers was summarily foiled when somehow it was determined that my entire 7th grade “track” would be taking Algebra in the 7th grade. Why they decided to “track” us I don’t really know. I mean, wasn’t the whole point of “Junior High” that you finally got to rotate classes and not be stuck with the same 30 schmucks you’ve seen every day since you were 5? I guess the esteemed brain-trust at Chico Junior High School decided not to infect the general population with the craziness of us in the “GATE” — Gifted and Talented Education — track. So, lucky young lad that I was, I had 7th grade math, 7th grade English and 7th grade history with the same 30 [supposedly "smart"] kids. But I guess I’m digressing here.

I was so good at Algebra in the 7th grade, it was decided that I should take it again in the 8th grade. Rather than admit defeat, I figured I could just take Geometry in the 8th grade as well. I mean, I didn’t want to fall behind the entire class of people I was supposed to be ahead of, right? So, like your average 14 year old is wont to do, I took two math classes in the 8th grade. I also started running a BBS and didn’t have any friends, but those facts are mere logistical minutiae.

Having finally passed Algebra (and even Geometry), in ninth grade, the class moved on to Algebra 2 (and I promise we’re getting to a point here, not just recounting my mathematical history. Although that would be a worthwhile endeavour in its own right). Finally seeing my chance to get ahead, I decided — as we’ve established is the wont of your average 15 year old — to take Trigonometry. Over the summer. Why spend an entire year on a crucially important mathematical concept — and, you know, actually learn something — when you can take it at the community college in 9 weeks and not remember a single thing?

Having “passed” Trig, it was off to AP calculus in 10th grade. Finally I was ahead of my darned class! Of course, after a semester, I realized that I had exactly the limit as x approaches infinity of 1 over x chance (MATH JOKE!) of passing the AP test, so I decided to take [differential] calculus at Chico State spring semester. Given that I’d seen the concepts of first semester Calculus already I managed to pass (with a C+) and move on to second semester [integral] calculus the first semester of my sophomore year.

Which brings us to our “point”. I turned in my first assignment that semester, and the teacher wrote on it thusly: “if you have a disability, let me know, otherwise you’re going to have to integrate better than this”. Needless to say I failed the class. (In case you’re curious of the rest of my math history, it goes a little like this: I took a semester of math off, figuring I’d earned it, and then repeated integral calculus again the first semester of my senior year. I think I barely passed that. I took fourth semester calculus at the end of my senior year, but didn’t really pass that, and took it again my freshman year of college. For those of you scoring at home, I do believe that’s something like 5 out of my last 7 math classes I had to take twice. All in the name of “getting ahead”. I’m smart.)

Why bring any of this up now? No reason, actually. But regardless, the following is really funny: (click the thumbnail for full size)